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Entries Tagged as 'perception'

Meeting Resistance

September 17th, 2016 · Comments

We frequently meet resistance from people we live with, work with, want to maintain a relationship with. When we do, our flow is interrupted and we experience a moment of confusion. Then our natural response is to mirror the resistance we are meeting. The result is that our resistance builds their resistance and we both get stuck.

A better strategy is to let the surprise you feel when you meet resistance slingshot you out to a bigger picture, where you can see yourself and the other person in your situation. From way out there, you are less tempted to mirror the resistance and more tempted to explore what just happened. When you notice you are feeling curiosity, you can drop down into the other person's experience to uncover possible motivations that are driving their attention and engagement (not necessarily their resistance). Then you're ready to get back into your own skin and mirror the motivation (not the resistance). This allows you to amplify the desire to get moving (that's what motivation is) and look for new ways forward together.

Photo credit: Pat Loika, Flickr.com

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Tags: Fresh Thinking · perception · resistance

“If I were you” what would change in me?

May 6th, 2016 · Comments

When we hear someone begin a sentence with "if I were you," our first response is often to think (or say!) "Well, you're not me."  The problem is that people often don't try to understand what it is like to be us: they just imagine themselves in our situation with all of their history, their connections, their skills and their biases.

Here are three ways to check whether you are making a useful attempt to imagine the world as another person is experiencing it:
  1. has your physiology shifted to match their posture, gestures and expressions?
  2. has your language shifted to take on their choice of words, phrasing, rhythms and sounds?
  3. are you seeing yourself in the picture (in the way that they can see you?)
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Tags: communication · perception